It's not 'no', it's just 'not now'

Heartache, grief, and all the things I've missed out on. I am never dating again. That's right. Thanks to the Romero's, I understand courting now. I understand what is going on in my life. I know this is a test from God, and I'm going to pass. In my prayers I've asked for patience, because I know it's something I don't have. Well, here it is. I had to learn it the hard way. Instead of hating it, I know i need to take this as a gift, as a blessing.... In disguise of course.

My husband will be:

A believer. He and I will be running full force in the same direction.

Strong. He will be strong in his faith and in his love for me.

Respectful. He won't try make to me stumble.

Bold. He won't be afraid to show everyone that he loves me. He will be the one that makes me feel safe day and night. I know that he will make feel like the most beautiful person in the world.

These are just a few things that I know I want with the love of my life. Who knows if Frankie is the one. I sure don't, and I know he doesn't know either. I don't know if the past 3 months was just a game for him. I don't know if I was on the back burner the entire time or if he just wasn't ready. I don't know. I love him. Instead of being crazy though, I've fully turned my attention to God. When Frankie called that one (seemingly fateful) night, I didn't feel like I had enough time with God. I didn't feel like I had my life straight, but I didn't know how to pass up someone that I felt to be the one. My mistake. Would he have waited for me if I had told him to? Instead, he asked me to wait for him. I told him I would... and I feel like I still will. I don't know. I believe the Lord will give me the strength to do whatever He has willed me to do.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of Frankie. Not day has gone by since November 3rd, 2005 that I don't think of him. I just don't know if God would put someone so amazing and life changing in MY life just to take him out so quickly. Before Frankie I wasn't a believer. Church was a laugh, and God wasn't existent in my life. Since then God is such a huge part of my life and gathering with fellow Christians is something that I long for every day of my life. I don't know, maybe He would take someone so huge out of my life. I know someday I'll find out.

"4...And his banner over me was love.
5. Sustain me with cakes of raisins
Refresh me with apples
For I am lovesick."
Song of Solomon 2:4-5

He knows how much I love him, and so does God. But now is not the time.This is God telling me "Not now." He is letting me know what it's like to be patient, and I love Him for it.